Sunday Rants – Royal Wedding Fever

Something’s happening next Friday, you may have heard. It’s called ‘The Royal Wedding’ and it will see joy an happiness spread throughout our United Kingdom as our future King ties the knot with his finace. And the whole thing will be beamed to you live – in fact it might be quite hard to miss.

Now, everyone likes a wedding. Well, actually that’s not true, but they are happy occasions. I get that. And it is of course lovely for Prince William and Kate Middleton. I’m sure they will have an incredibly happy day and I couldn’t be happier for them.

What I do object to however, is this assumption in the media (and our Government) that this should invigorate our lives and turn our country into a wonderful place to live again. There were comments in the media last year (when the date was set) going as fas as to suggest that people would be so happy, we could forget about the financial crisis.

Of course! Nothing distracts me away from the doom and gloom of our current economic climate more than a wedding between two people I don’t know and never will. It’s not like we’ll even be invited to the reception so we can all get hammered and dance the night away.

But of course Mr Cameron has addressed that. He said just the other week that he would like us all to have a street party. Riiight, a street party. Well I suppose it could unite us all in a lovely and happy way for a few hours. But what happens afterwards? Oh I know, the street is turned into a tip and we never speak to any of our neighbours again, great. And who exactly is paying for these ‘street parties’ during these tough times?

Actually, we shouldn’t just pay for ourselves to have a party to celebrate this day, we should also commemorate it in every single way we can by buying merchandise. The amount of souvenirs in shops is staggering. There’s not just the usual mugs and plates, you can buy a soap pack, pens, characters, cakes, ducks, models, costumes, moulded biscuits. You can even join a Royal Wedding club whatever that is. People will spend loads on this and it’s not even their own wedding. Shocking!

Then there’s the fact that we are actually expected to watch this ‘event’. The TV networks have been shoving the day down our throats for weeks now, their adverts piercing my eyeballs every time I am near a TV screen. Four channels and YouTube will be streaming the same footage in the UK. What exactly is the point? – Mind you, ITV’s could be a laugh with Phillip Schofield hosting, maybe he’ll make Wills and Kate beat ‘The Cube’ before carrying on.

And what exactly will the coverage show? I checked the schedule earlier and we have highlights such as fashion designers predicting Kate’s Dress, Jake Humphrey watching people enter Westminster, fashion experts commenting on guests appearance, commentary of the carriages arriving, Alistair Stewart waiting for Kate to emerge from her home, fashion experts commenting on Kate’s (and hopefully Alistair’s) appearance, the actual ceremony itself and to round it all off fashion experts reviewing what was worn and what should have been worn by all protagonists. Mind you, that’s all followed by Wallace and Gromit!

And if our hype wasn’t bad enough, in the US it’s just ridiculous. It’s being trailed like a movie, with William having the sorrow of losing his mother and now the poetic rejoice of giving his mum’s ring to his bride. They are actually using the phrase ‘biggest event of the year’ in the US, which makes it all the more funnier that the American’s couldn’t care less about our hyped-up day off.

And I suppose I should stop complaining, because as I have just mentioned, I and most of the country, will have a day off on April 29th. I shall personally be staying away from the wedding (although I may watch a bit of TV’s just to see how dreadful it will be) and hopefully enjoying our nice weather.

There’s nothing wrong with people getting married, it’s lovely. I just struggle to care to the extent that people expect me to about two people I know very little about. I can’t wait until we return to dull, drab, unoriginal Britain again and this madness will just be a distant memory…

Enjoy the remainder of your Easter Sunday! 😀

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