If you watch too much TV, your eyes will turn square. That’s what our parents always told us. Of course in the day and age of widescreen, they’re more likely to turn a bit more rectangular, but the idea remains!
I always thought it would be quite cool to have square eyes and so it has become the name of this brand new feature to the Rich, Harsh Poet, the very one you are reading now. And it’s all about… you guessed it TV!
And what better way to start off a new feature than by welcoming back one of our country’s national treasures. Sir A… I mean… Lord Sugar. He’s one of the most unlikely of TV heroes, being a ‘ruthless’ and quite frankly rude businessman. But his show ‘The Apprentice’ has shot him back to fame and rightly so!
So what fools do we have this year? Well first there’s Stuart “Everything I touch turns to sold” Baggs. He has to be one of the most full of himself candidates yet. To call his selling style in this weeks first task “aggressive” is to suggest that Godzilla was a bit aggressive. And his performance in the boardroom… wow! Even Lord Sugar had had enough of this bighead!
Another one of the boys is Jamie Lester who last night single-handedly started a mini revolution by saying the word ‘cringeable’. Within seconds this grammatical mishap was one of the top trending topics on twitter (which I suppose shows the awesome power of the apprentice). I look forward to more educational rants from Jamie as the series continues!
There’s 22 year old Raleigh Addington whose parents were obviously fans of mountain bikes. Raleigh is clearly annoyed about this and takes it out on his other candidates by gradually getting more and more angry and then bursting with anger at the last minute… he’s my personal favourite for comedy value.
As always, the girls were less noticeable than the blokes. There’s a Jenny Eclaire lookalike (which was particularly confusing when Jenny Eclaire appeared on sister programme “You’re Fired”) who is all about ‘closing deals’. And of course there was their team leader Joanna Riley who wasn’t half bad. But the girls were quite frankly boring, they actually did well, I don’t watch The Apprentice for that!
Things didn’t go well for other team leader Dan Harris who eventually ‘got’ fired. And for good reason, he spend the whole task barking at his team to do things whilst he did sod all. A brilliant delegator/dictator, but not a very good team leader! To be fair to Dan he was given tough task, a team who weren’t very co-operative and he was the only one who had the balls to volunteer.
But he was awful!
So a mixed bag of candidates, the girls seemed as dull as dishwater, but the boys were some of the funniest, most full of themselves and downright entertaining yet.
There’s another 11 weeks to go and I’m really looking forward to them. With the wit of Nick Hewer, the glances of Karen Brady and the ‘shrewd-schmozer-hating’ Lord Sugar presiding over it all, it should be another brilliant year of The Apprentice!